Evidence of Love – A Matter of Focus

“Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle,

and the life of the single candle will not be shortened.”

– The Teaching of Buddha

We are inundated with chaotic and false messages on a daily basis that seem to prove the absence of love. You have seen them on social media, the news, in riots, racism, between electoral candidates who use slander campaigning and more.

When we have been hurt before, it can be natural to build walls of protection around the heart. When these walls are in place, not only will it be hard to have healthy, connected relationships, it can obstruct otherwise clear evidence of the love around us.

I have written much in the past about self-love being the key to success, happiness and peace. I absolutely still believe this to be true, however many find it difficult to get to that place of true self love. I believe looking for evidence of love in the world can help us be more gentle and compassionate with ourselves, leading to self-love. The truth is however, love is all around us at every moment, if we choose to notice.  It is in the gentle breeze, the neighbor racing his daughter on bikes, the grocery clerk’s smile, the butterfly flitting by on its way to the next flower, the young boy holding the door for the person behind him.  I make it a habit to look for love’s presence, and each day I find more and more evidence that this is true.

How often have you looked into the eyes of whomever you are speaking with, without turning away? How present are you in your interactions?

A lady named Mona is one of these connected souls who left an impression on me. I once stopped in a bank I had never been in before to get a replacement debit card. She noticed that I had come earlier, but due to the wait, had decided to make an appointment to return later. She noticed the heaviness in my spirit and asked about it. I told her I was on my way to pick up my beloved dog’s ashes. Mona was connected with her heart, so she could see that mine was hurting.  She did not hurry to get my card, which at first concerned me, because the veterinarian’s office would not be open much longer. Instead, she looked into my eyes and saw me. 

Somehow, I was touched in our twenty minute interaction, learning about her culture, family, life challenges and lessons gleaned. She spoke about an open heart, kindness and gratitude and that was exactly why she was able to reach me. I was reminded that in a “rush and hurry” world, people typically don’t even take the time to see or properly greet the person that is serving them. A person with a heart, a soul.

This week, I invite you to see evidence that love exists and it will not only expand your heart and increase your compassion, it will create ripples of love outward.

Some of my favorite recent testaments of love’s presence:

A man dancing in the aisle at my spiritual service every Sunday expressing his love through dance, a dog waiting in the window, wagging his tail to greet you, a Girl Scout’s smile when selling cookies, the baby who smiled at me while looking at his father’s office space and the father returned the love with a glance of pride, a woman knitting a blanket for her granddaughter, young love, so pure and sweet, an elderly couple holding hands, smiling and laughing, a cellist who plays his music from his heart reflected in his face as true bliss, a child who looks up to his loving parent, a child running toward his dog, a  woman lovingly cooking a meal for her family, a minister who shares a message from her heart with passion and love, a spiritual practitioner who dares to be herself and models for others that perfection is an illusion.

What are some of your recent favorites?  

There is no substitution for human connection in the form of presence. Each time you make eye contact, lend a helping hand or a smile, or simply notice the evidence of love around you, you light another candle. Being present with who or what is near us, inspires awareness and opens us to a world of otherwise missed connections. Each time you observe and appreciate love, each time you connect with someone from your heart, and each time you are present with what is, you are lighting other candles. Like a pebble dropped in water, love, presence and connection ripple out while creating a well of self-love and compassion within. 

If that hasn’t convinced you, read on and let’s talk science!

How can I notice the evidence of love or be present with another when I am feeling depleted and disconnected myself?

A change of heart, changes everything!  Let’s talk science..

When we are stressed, angry, blameful, worried or even have negative thoughts we effect our heart. It could be as simple as worrying about an unpaid bill. Clearly, you cannot change the fact that something stressful happened, but we can change the way we react and respond to the situation.

Over 30 years of research conducted by the Institute of Heartmath has shown that the heart sends more information to the brain, then the brain sends to the heart.  Heart Rate Variability or (HRV) is the distance or phase regularity of the autonomic nervous system being reflected in the heart rhythm or simply said, the timing and regularity between heart beats. Coherence refers to smooth, even heart rhythms, while incoherence refers to irregular heart rhythms.  The research showed that while people were having stressful emotional states or negative thoughts, their heart rhythms were incoherent.  When they focused on love and appreciation, their heart rhythms became coherent, or stabilized.

What does this mean? 

If the heart rhythms are stable, smooth even rhythms, then the brain gets the signal that everything is o.k. This leads to a calm nervous system, reduction in anxiety, depression, improved health and an overall feeling of well-being.

Heartmath has developed series of simple exercises to shift from stressed (incoherent heart rhythms) to peaceful (coherent heart rhythms).  In my practice one of the first skills I teach my clients is Heart Centered Breathing.  Heart Centered Breathing involves heart-focused breathing while focusing on love and appreciation. In doing this, heart rhythms become coherent leading to a calm nervous system and clearer mental states.

Your Coherence Level Affects Others

In fact, Heartmath research has shown that the electromagnetic signal produced by your heart is registered by the brain waves of others around you.   Notice how you feel when someone is peaceful and centered versus being around someone who is angry or stressed. Heartmath’s  Global Coherence Initiative is an international effort to promote world peace and harmony through a shift in global consciousness.  The initiative conducts groundbreaking research on the connection between humanity and Earth’s magnetic fields and energetic systems.

Back to Where We Started Regarding Social Media

 As a society, we cannot continue to keep pointing fingers at others. It has become habitual.  Some use social media to vent about being wronged or slighted in some way. The number of comments of those commiserating or “likes” are counted and somehow one feels justified by that. I can guarantee you that you do not feel better after public venting. In fact, you have increased your level of heart rate incoherence and are likely to feel worse.  Every time you peak at your mobile device and engage with the subject again, your coherence level drops even more.  This incoherence or lack of coherence spreads outwards sometimes resulting in thousands of views depending on the post, thereby dropping the coherence level on a massive scale.

When you heart is in coherence, you are able to go within and find peace and love more easily than having a chaotic mind. It is from this place that you can connect with others.

With practice, the idea is to remain in coherence even when stressful events happen around you. It starts with just three minutes a day. Begin now.

Read more of Heartmath’s research at www.heartmath.org

This is a complex subject attempted to be made simple for the purpose of this article